What Your Body Language Says Before You Speak (and Why It Matters More Than You Think)
- Vikki da Rocha
- Jul 10
- 3 min read
Dear lovely human,
I've always found it fascinating how much of what we say never comes out of our mouths.
The words might be polished, thoughtful, even brave, but if you look closely, the truth is often already written in the body. A dropped shoulder. A shallow breath. Eyes that flit away for just a second too long.
During my studies to become an NLP Master Practitioner, I recall our teacher explaining the subtle unconscious micro-movements of the body, such as a slight shift in posture, a change in skin tone, the rhythm of the breath, and even the most minute eye movements. At the time, I understood it in theory. However, I didn't truly grasp its power until I started noticing the micro-moments in my clients.
Now, when I work with clients, I not only listen, but I also watch. When I see a shift, no matter how subtle, I pause and gently ask, "What's coming up?"
And almost every time, it opens a door.
It's like the body speaks before the voice is ready. The unconscious is trying to express something that words haven't yet caught up to. By noticing it, we permit people to speak, to explore, and often to finally let go of what they've been holding onto.
We forget that emotions don't just exist in the mind; they land in the body.
Stress shows up in tense shoulders. Anxiety lives in a clenched jaw. Anger tightens the fists. Love flutters through our tummies, and adrenaline makes our hearts pump. The body has always spoken for us. Even when we didn't realise it.
Sometimes I catch myself doing it, too.
Just the other day, I realised I'd been walking around for hours with my shoulders raised right up to my ears, I was completely unaware until I stepped away from my desk and walked to the kitchen to realise I had been so tense, and the moment I softened and dropped them down, relief. Instant. Almost like my nervous system had been holding its breath all day without me knowing.
I giggle when I watch a movie with Jorge, noticing the tiny micro-movements: a flicker of a smile, a subtle breath shift during an emotional scene. It's incredible how we wear our feelings, even in stillness. You can see joy. You can see sadness. The body always tells the truth.
And I remember, years ago, when friends would tell me that they would be able to tell just by the sound of their boss's high heel hitting the wooden floor what kind of day they were going to have, long before a word was even spoken.
That's how deeply we tune into body language.
Even sound carries posture.
Even silence tells a story.
And here's the thing: even if you think you've got your body language under control, if you're walking into a conversation with judgment, tension, or stress, the other person can sense it. We feel energy before we process language. That's why emotional self-awareness isn't just for us… It's a gift for everyone around us.
The brilliant Vanessa Van Edwards, one of my favourite body language experts, teaches that we communicate confidence long before we ever speak. In her research, she shows that people decide whether we're warm, credible, or competent within the first few seconds of meeting us, based not on what we say, but on how we show up.
And the great news is you don't have to feel confident to look confident.
And as a bonus, when you shift your body even slightly, your mind starts to follow.
Lifted posture. Gentle eye contact. Shoulders back. Feet grounded.
It's not about pretending. It's about creating the conditions for confidence to grow.
In NLP, we refer to this as congruence. When your words, tone, and body language are all aligned. It's where real presence comes from. And it's why the tiniest shift in the body can ripple out into a massive change in how you think, lead, and relate to others.
So, this week, I invite you to tune in.
Not just to what you're saying, but to what your body is saying before you speak.
Consider the following:
When do you lean in, and when do you shrink back?
What happens in your chest when you talk about yourself with pride?
Do your hands get still when something matters deeply?
Your body holds so many answers.
And sometimes, asking yourself or someone else, "What's coming up for you?" is the most powerful question in the room.
With love & curiosity,
Vikki x
