A Soft Landing That Didn't Land: What happens when you outgrow your own life
- Vikki da Rocha
- Jul 31
- 3 min read
I didn't expect the mourning.
But looking back, it makes sense.
Not as strong or emotional as grief.
Just a slow, steady realisation: This life doesn't fit the way it used to.
So yes, the reality is that we're back. After 14 months of travel, through the country, overseas, all of it. Back in Sydney. Back to routines. Back to the familiar.
And that's the problem.
Because the familiar is actually so unfamiliar. Nothing's changed. But I have. I've grown. What is unfamiliar is me in this space.
My family's return to our old familiar suburb in Sydney was meant to feel like grounding, even a soft landing back into "reality". An easier reintegration into society.
Instead, it feels like trying to squeeze into something I've outgrown.
It's what it feels like when you outgrow your own life but you're still living in its shell.
It's a strange thing to step back into your life and feel slightly like a guest in it. Nothing's wrong on the surface. But there's an internal mismatch.
A quiet discomfort that's hard to name. It's a familiar pair of shoes. Same shoes, same colour, same size. But feels like I'm wearing the left shoe on the right foot, and the right shoe on the left.
Here's what I've noticed:
When you go through big personal growth, by choice or circumstance, it rewires you. What used to motivate you doesn't hit the same. What used to feel like "you" no longer does.
The funny thing is, I didn't immediately realise this. Hell, I even went to the doctor to try to understand why I wasn't feeling like myself (or the guy from 2 years ago). I even went through doing my bloods and going through a series of questions to assess depression.
The result: All good. I was fine (except for a bit of dehydration from working out and taking creatine). No. What I've come to realise is that I'm going through a mourning process of an identity I don't identify with. Huh!
If you're now wondering whether you've outgrown your old identity, here are a few clear signs that feel kind of depressing:
You feel drained by what used to excite you
You crave space and autonomy more than external approval
You look at your old goals and feel disconnected
You feel irritated or off-balance around things that no longer align
They're not dramatic signals. But they're persistent. And not depression, just GROWING PAINS. This reframe has changed everything.
Our time away gave us space to reset. To get clear on what matters.
To question whether the pace and pattern of our old lives is actually what we want.
Turns out, it's not.
And now, that clarity doesn't always slot neatly back into the world we left. It asks us to make changes. To back ourselves. To explain less.
What makes it even more complicated is how others respond.
Growth can unsettle people, especially when it highlights something they're avoiding in their own life. You'll notice the distance. Resistance. Confusion. Perhaps even a hint of frustration or judgment. But we're no longer in the business of people-pleasing. Growth taught us that.
So, no, turns out this isn't a smooth landing. But, also, maybe it's not supposed to be.
Maybe it's a strategic pause. A reset. Recharge.
Because we're not stuck, we're building something better.
Come to think of it, have you heard of the NLP concept called The Universal Process of Change? It goes like this:
"Hey, things are great...."
Then
You get the itch - something is shifting, or not quite right. Something just feels "off"
Then
The noise, the overthinking, the processing, maybe panic or an anxious feeling. What many people call a "rock bottom" feeling...
But, then
The climb begins. You start to understand. Through the tough spots, you build resilience, you grow stronger, more capable than ever, able to adapt.
And, then
You look back at the journey you went through, and through the challenges, the tough times, you've come out stronger, sharper, and more resolute. You've just experienced the Universal Process of Change.
Or as we like to call it. GROWTH.
For us, that means designing a business that reflects our values.
Choosing a lifestyle we enjoy living.
Raising our daughter with a front-row seat to all of it, so she sees what it looks like to live on purpose and deliberately, not just by habit.
If you're in a similar place, where the life you used to want no longer feels like a fit, you're not lost. You're just between versions.
The previous version got you here.
But the next one is taking you to where things align.
Thanks for indulging me,
Jorge
