Allow your internal narrative to write a better story this year
- Vikki da Rocha
- Jan 19
- 6 min read
I heard a question on a podcast the other week that has stayed with me far longer than I expected. It was one of those deceptively simple questions that lands softly at first and then continues to echo in the background of your mind. The host asked, "Who do you speak to the most in your life?"
Like most people, I immediately thought of my husband, my daughter, and my close friends. When we think about communication, we naturally think about the conversations we have with the people in our orbit. These people take up space in our day. And that's precisely what the person on the podcast said as well. Then the host gently interrupted and said, "No. That's not actually true. The person you speak to the most, every single day, is yourself. And that voice influences you more than anyone else ever will."
Even though I have understood the importance of internal dialogue for years, something about the way it was said helped me see it from a slightly different angle. We are so conditioned to believe that the most significant influence on our emotional state comes from the people around us - our partners, our children, our colleagues - that we rarely stop to consider the impact of the constant, ongoing conversation happening inside our own minds. Without realising it, many of us use the outside world to explain how we feel, when in reality the most powerful influence is the quiet narrative we are replaying internally.
Hearing that made me pause and take a more honest look at the way I have been speaking to myself. I've spent years intentionally shifting my internal language, using the NLP tools I teach every day. Reframing, questioning, challenging, rebuilding. It has made an enormous difference. The self-talk I have now is nothing like the brutal commentary I used to live with. Years ago, the things I said to myself would have shocked you. I told myself I was incapable, that I always failed, that I wasn't a good enough mother, that I was an inconsiderate wife, that I was a terrible friend. None were true. But those sentences helped me stay exactly where I was, because if I blamed everything outside myself, then I never had to address what was happening inside.
Over time, I've worked hard to clean up my inner dialogue. These days, instead of attacking myself, that internal voice asks curious questions. It asks what I'm making something mean. It asks whether a thought I'm having is actually true or simply familiar. It nudges me gently and says, "Is this 100 per cent accurate? Or is there a kinder, more helpful interpretation?"
And yet, despite all that work, something interesting has been happening since hearing that podcast. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like sweeping a floor. You clear away the dust, you feel proud of the clean surface, and then, almost without noticing, it begins to settle again. It doesn't arrive in great clouds. It comes in tiny particles. Small comments. Quiet criticisms. Little whispers like, "You should have done better," or, "You could have said that more clearly," or, "Why are you still making that mistake?" Comments about my body, my marriage, my parenting, my work. All the familiar lines that have travelled with me for years. They start small. Harmless. Barely noticeable. And then, if left unchecked, they begin to gather speed, and the floor that was clear starts to look dusty again.
Listening to that podcast reminded me of something important: I am the author of the story I tell myself, and although much of my story now is grounded in truth, growth, and kindness, there are still corners of the narrative that remain in draft form. There are pages with crossed-out sentences. Chapters with old beliefs etched into the margins. Places where the earlier versions of me surface in the narrative.
This matters because our internal representation of the world - the way we code our experiences through language, imagery, and meaning - creates our reality. Our Reticular Activating System, this beautiful filter in the brain, is constantly searching for evidence to support whatever we tell ourselves. When we feed it criticism, it finds criticism. When we feed it a possibility, it finds a possibility. It listens without judgment. It simply obeys.
If I am frank with myself, the most significant resolution I can make this year is not a new habit, routine, or goal. It is the commitment to take responsibility for the words I say internally, the tone I use with myself, and the meaning I assign to the moments of my life. Because I can either be my own harshest critic or the force that quietly shapes meaningful change.
And what I know for sure is that I cannot stop the dust from settling. I cannot prevent every old thought from resurfacing. But I can notice it sooner. I can question it more gently. I can scratch out what no longer belongs and write something true in its place.
Here is what I offer you as we step into 2026, a fresh chapter.
When the wrong sentence begins to write itself (because it will), don't punish yourself for noticing it too late. You will always feel it first in your body: the heaviness, the contraction, the tightening around the chest or the stomach. That's the signal. When it appears, pause and ask yourself three questions:
What am I making this mean?
Is this thought 100 per cent factual?
Is there a kinder, more accurate way to speak to myself right now?
And one final test, one I loved from that podcast:
Is it kind?
Is it true?
Does it benefit me?
If the answer is no to any of the three, that sentence does not deserve the space and airtime I'm giving it.
This year, write yourself a better story. Scratch out the beliefs that keep you small. Edit the chapters that were written from old wounds. Choose a language that reflects who you are now, not who you once had to be.
You are the author.
You always have been.
And the story you write from this moment forward can be grounded in truth, clarity, compassion, and possibility.
With warmth,
Vikki
In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026.
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