Drama, drama, drama - do you find yourself caught up in the cycle?

Dear Friends,

Are you being a bit of a drama queen?

Stay with me. I know that might land with a sting. Your first instinct might be, Absolutely not. How dare you? But if we’re honest with ourselves, most of us have an inner drama queen who loves to come out and play.

They’re the part of us that builds situations up in our heads. The one who loves to slip into the role of the victim. The one who secretly enjoys being the saviour. And yes, even the one that becomes the persecutor, convinced they know exactly what everyone else should be doing.

We’ve all seen the drama cycle in action. In workplaces. At family Christmases. In group chats. And especially in our closest relationships. It’s that familiar loop we get pulled into – or sometimes even start – without realising.

The drama cycle usually involves three roles:

1. The Victim

This is the “why is this happening to me?” space. Things feel like they’re being done to you. You feel persecuted, misunderstood, and hard done by. In this state, you’re in pure effect – below the line – with no responsibility taken for your feelings or your choices. It’s oddly comfortable, because you don’t have to own anything.

2. The Persecutor

Here, you’re the judge and jury. You’re right, they’re wrong. You see everything in black and white. There’s very little curiosity, nuance or grey. The persecutor casts harsh opinions and often believes they’re simply “telling it like it is”, when in reality they’re stuck in the fog of their own emotional charge.

3. The Saviour

This is the fixer, the rescuer, the one who has to step in and sort it all out. On the surface, it looks noble and helpful. Underneath, it often feeds a quiet need for validation: I’m needed. I’m important. I can prove my worth by solving this.

What makes the drama cycle so sneaky is that we don’t stay in one role. In a single argument with a partner, you can flip from victim to persecutor to saviour in minutes – defending yourself, attacking, rescuing – all in an effort to win, rather than to understand.

So how do we short-circuit this?

We introduce a fourth role: the Observer.

The Observer sits outside the triangle. It’s the part of you that lifts your head above the noise and watches what’s really going on. It’s neutral, compassionate and curious rather than reactive.

When you notice yourself spiralling – feeling hard done by, self-righteous, or compelled to fix everyone – the Observer gently asks:

• What role am I playing right now?

• What am I getting out of this?

• What am I avoiding taking responsibility for?

• What might this look like from the other person’s perspective?

From the Observer state, you can soften. You can see the human in front of you instead of the “enemy”. You can be kinder to yourself instead of persecuting your own thoughts and choices. You can choose to step out of the performance and into presence.

Will you avoid drama altogether? No. You’re human. I’m human. A lot is going on in our lives.

But this week, I’d love you to simply notice. Catch yourself in the cycle. Pause. Step into the Observer, even for a moment. Ask, What am I doing here, and is it really helping?

Let’s practise short-circuiting the drama together.

And if you do notice a few inner drama queen moments… you’re in excellent company.

Regards,

Jorge

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In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026. We'd love to see you at one of these NLP training sessions.

Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.

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