Welcome to Real Work on Emotions

Lately, in my sessions with clients, one theme keeps coming up again and again.

Emotions.

Not just feeling them, but understanding them. Not just "managing" them, but learning how to truly work with them in a way that feels supportive rather than exhausting.

What always strikes me is how many people believe that emotional intelligence means controlling your emotions. Staying calm. Staying neutral. Not reacting. Not feeling "too much." Keeping it all together.

That isn't emotional intelligence, that's emotional suppression, and suppression always comes with a cost.

Every emotion is a real, physical, chemical response in your body. It moves through you. It has energy. It has a location. It has a message. And when you don't know how to recognise it, understand it, and gently guide yourself through it, that emotion doesn't disappear. It builds. It spirals. It waits for another opportunity to surface.

What looks like "control" on the outside is often just emotion being pushed down, quietly accumulating, waiting for the next stressful moment, the next trigger, the next crack.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to have a deeper conversation and work on emotions. What they are. Why do they exist? How they form. How early we start feeling them and what they are really trying to do for us.

Emotions are not flaws in the human system. They are part of the design. They are feedback. They are information. They are your internal guidance system. And when you learn to listen to them rather than fight them, life starts to feel very different.

One of the most powerful shifts I see happen in sessions is when clients begin to notice their emotions in their bodies. Not just: "I'm angry" or "I'm anxious", but "I feel it in my chest", "it's sitting in my stomach", "my throat feels tight", "my shoulders are heavy".

What's fascinating is that it's never the same for everyone.

Anger lives differently in each body. So does fear. So does sadness. So does guilt.

That awareness is everything. Because the moment you can feel where an emotion lives, you are no longer being hijacked by it. You are in a relationship with it. You are observing it. You are creating space. And in that space, choice becomes possible.

Much of the way I work with emotions is influenced by Gestalt Therapy, particularly the work of Fritz Perls. Perls believed that real change happens when we learn to notice what is happening right now, in this moment, in our bodies, in our breath, in our emotional responses.

His core belief was simple and powerful: awareness creates change.

Not force.

Not pressure.

Not "trying harder".

Awareness.

When you are fully present with what you are feeling, without judging, fixing, or pushing it away, your emotional system naturally begins to reorganise and heal. When an emotion feels heard, it no longer needs to shout.

One of Perls' most well-known tools was the "empty chair" technique, in which people are invited to speak honestly to an imagined person or even to a part of themselves. Not politely. Not carefully. But truthfully.

Because so many of our emotions stay stuck when they are unspoken, unfinished, or unacknowledged.

When they are finally expressed, they soften. When they are allowed, they integrate. When they are no longer hidden, they stop running the show, and I see this again and again in my work.

People don't need to get rid of their emotions. They need to be able to meet them.

Another helpful way to understand emotions is to see them as part of a natural system.

At the foundation are our basic, automatic responses: joy, fear, anger, sadness, disgust. It's no coincidence that the Pixar animated film Inside Out is based on these emotions and resonates with so many across generations. These emotions are ancient and protective. They are your nervous system saying, "Pay attention. Something matters here."

On top of these, our mind adds meaning. This is where emotions like guilt, shame, embarrassment, and jealousy appear. They are shaped by our experiences, beliefs, relationships, and past stories.

When emotions are understood and integrated, something begins to shift. We grow into higher-purpose emotions like compassion, courage, empathy, gratitude, and connection.

This isn't about becoming "positive".

It's about becoming conscious.

Every emotion has a healthy expression.

Anger, in its highest form, becomes boundaries, protection, and self-respect. At its lowest, it becomes irritation, resentment, and reactivity.

Fear, in its highest form, becomes awareness and preparation. At its lowest form, it becomes anxiety and paralysis.

Sadness, in its highest form, becomes healing and release. At its lowest, it becomes numbness.

Guilt, in its highest form, becomes reflection and learning. At its lowest, it becomes self-punishment.

Nothing about emotions is random. They are designed to help you live well. But only when you know how to work with them.

This is the work we're about to do together.

Learning to notice your emotions. Understand their message. Recognise their triggers. Clean up the past that shaped them and consciously choose how you want to respond.

This is what moves you from reacting to life to living with intention, and just so you know, this isn't about being "perfect".

I still feel anger. I still feel frustrated. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes. The difference now is that I recognise it. I pause. I check in. I ask myself what's being activated. And then I decide what emotional state I want to lead from.

That is emotional intelligence.

Not control, a relationship.

Over the next few weeks, we'll dive into each primary emotion together. We'll explore where it lives in the body, what triggers it, what it's protecting, what it's asking for, and how to shift it into its highest expression.

I'll be sharing stories, insights, tools, and reflections from my own journey and from my work with clients, because when your emotions make sense to you, life feels lighter. Clearer. More grounded. More aligned.

I also want you to know this. You don't have to do this work alone.

For some of you, these reflections will be enough to begin creating meaningful shifts. For others, this may stir something deeper, patterns you've felt for years but never quite known how to work through.

That's where personalised support can make all the difference.

Through my one-on-one coaching and NLP work, I support people in uncovering the roots of their emotional patterns, rewiring old responses, and building emotional confidence from the inside out (pardon the pun). Through my NLP Certification programs, I train leaders, parents, coaches, and professionals to understand their own minds and emotions so they can support themselves and others with integrity, skill, and heart.

This work is not about fixing you.

It's about helping you remember your capacity. Your resilience. Your wisdom. Your choice.

With love and clarity,

Vikki

In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026. We'd love to see you at one of these NLP training sessions.

Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.

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