There's a moment that has stayed with one of my clients, and, in truth, it echoes in the lives of many of the people I've worked with. She was about ten. Dressed in sequins and nerves, ready to perform her part in a school dance. The music began, and she missed a step. Just a beat, nothing more, but in that moment, from the back of the room, came a sharp voice, a family member's offhand comment, wrapped in frustration: "Honestly, you're so clumsy. Can't you get anything ri

A couple of weeks ago, something happened to me. I sat at my desk staring at the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard but not typing, not really doing anything. I felt physically stuck, my body wouldn’t move, my head was spinning, thoughts racing like they were chasing each other in circles: “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. I’m so tired. I should know better. I don’t look great. I don’t feel great. I am failing at everything”

Focusing on what we do not want is an avoidance tactic. It is comfortable because it does not require much of us. We do not have to imagine anything new or stretch ourselves. We simply point to what exists (or what we fear might happen) and reject it.