When Burnout Catches You Off Guard
- Vikki da Rocha
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
A couple of weeks ago, something happened to me.
I sat at my desk staring at the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard but not typing, not really doing anything. I felt physically stuck, my body wouldn’t move, my head was spinning, thoughts racing like they were chasing each other in circles: “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. I’m so tired. I should know better. I don’t look great. I don’t feel great. I am failing at everything”
It kept pounding over and over again, I knew I had to get into the city for a meeting that afternoon, but I was frozen to the spot and the scariest thing, like a drumbeat I couldn’t switch off the whisper: just keep going, just keep going, ignore it, ignore it, you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine…
Until I wasn’t.
The tears came, big gulping sobs that left me breathless. I couldn’t hide them, couldn’t stop them. I didn’t know what to say or do, so I just cried. And in the crying, I felt everything spill out: anger, frustration, guilt, and sheer exhaustion. It all came pouring out.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. I’m a coach. I’m trained in this. I teach people how to notice their thoughts, learn to manage their state, create change and have the freedom of choice around emotions. And there I was, unravelling. That’s when the cruellest thought crept in, “You should know better.”
It swallowed me up, and the crying continued. In the midst of it all, I remember a slight, faint sound inside me, a glimpse of kindness, something I say often: “emotions just need to pass through your body, just let them”, so I did, until I had nothing, no more noise, no more tears, just deep breaths. I remember looking in the mirror, swollen, red eyes and all, and whispering back: It’s okay to not be okay.
I showered, slowly put on the makeup and got dressed. I needed to get to the meeting; there was no option to opt out, and I wanted to be there. I didn’t go there fixed; sometimes you carry the nerves, the chaos, and you go anyway. By the time it was over, I got on the train and stared blankly out of the window. I felt hollow. My head pounded. My whole body ached for silence, for dark, for stillness.
When I walked back home from the station, I looked up and saw my little family walking down to meet me. I smiled, seeing them felt good. I smiled, but noticed it didn’t reach my eyes (ever felt that before?) I knew I needed more time. Instead of soldiering on, I told my daughter I wasn’t feeling well. She slipped her little hand into mine and said, “Okay, mummy, then we can play quietly.” Such simple words.
Later that evening, I didn’t push myself to do bedtime routines. I didn’t wear my strength like armour, and I didn’t say “I’m fine!” I just sat with my comfy pyjamas on, no show, no pretending, just me, and then I went straight to bed. That was my line in the sand. My body had screamed at me to stop, and for once, I listened.
Here’s the science.
Burnout isn’t just “feeling tired.” The World Health Organisation recognises it as an occupational phenomenon, marked by three things:
Emotional exhaustion
A sense of reduced accomplishment, and
Mental distance from the very roles we usually care about.
Neuroscience reveals that chronic stress floods our system with cortisol, which in turn shuts down our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for focus, decision-making, and empathy.
No wonder my thoughts were running wild, no wonder I couldn’t move, and no wonder the very thing I love doing was leaving me feeling empty. My emotions were exhausted, I wasn’t recognising the achievements, just focusing on what needed to happen next, and I felt distant from the work I loved. I felt lost.
Another great filter in the brain is the Reticular Activating System, or RAS. This wonderful filter decides what information gets through. In burnout, the RAS zones in on the negatives, the mistakes, the “shoulds”, the fears, and it blocks us from seeing the progress we’ve made or the support around us. It’s like wearing tinted glasses: everything looks heavier and darker than it really is.
One thing I keep revisiting and reminding myself and others is that the RAS can be trained. When we consciously pause to notice wins, feel gratitude, or even say out loud, “It’s okay to not be okay,” we shift our perspective. We prime our brains to look for evidence of safety, support, and possibility. That shift doesn’t erase the challenging moments, but it helps us move through them with greater steadiness.
It’s like trying to run a marathon on an empty tank: the body eventually pulls the brakes, whether your mind wants to or not, and for me, that day was the brakes slamming hard.
Think of burnout like ignoring the low fuel warning light on your car. You keep pushing, convincing yourself you’ll make it to the next stop. You tell yourself you’re fine. Until suddenly, you’re not. You’re stuck, stranded, unable to move forward. That’s what it feels like when burnout catches you off guard.
In my quest to understand why this pattern keeps occurring, I had to ask myself the same annoying questions I ask my clients: What do I gain from ignoring the warning light? What am I achieving when I keep pushing? What does “doing it all” really give me?”
There is always an underlying reason why we do things repeatedly. Usually, it’s because this repeated pattern fulfils a need or an underlying belief about ourselves, even if it doesn’t serve us.
Here’s the truth
I know I reached burnout. I had ignored the things I encourage my clients to hold close. I fell into the trap of proving, striving, pushing… until I couldn’t, and there’s no neat ending here. No trick can guarantee it will never happen again, because the point is not to avoid it forever. The point is to notice, reflect, learn, and break the beliefs we have about why we ignore the warning signs in the first place.
Maybe as you’re reading this, you can already see your own version of that low-fuel warning light. Perhaps it’s the endless to-do list that never shrinks, the constant “I’ll just push through,” or the smile which doesn’t quite reach the eyes that you put on, when inside, you’re running on fumes. Perhaps it shows up in your parenting, your work, or those moments when you’re surrounded by people yet feel oddly distant from them. That’s when burnout off guard sneaks in.
What should you do?
When we speak our thoughts out loud, whether to a friend, a coach, or even scribble them onto a page, we slow down the spinning in our minds and let the RAS take a breather. Here is a simple RAS reset you can do to help shift your focus.
The RAS Reset:
When you know that your focus is in the wrong place and want to shift the looping thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, try this:
Pause: Close your eyes, take three slow breaths, and place your hand on your chest.
Notice: Say out loud or write down three small wins from the day. Doesn’t matter how small, just notice them. “I sent an email”, “I got dressed”, “I made a coffee”
Ask: Ask yourself, “What can I be grateful for right now?”
Anchor: Lock in what you said, repeat your statement a few times, so that the RAS will start searching for those things instead.
Maybe, like me, you’ve had that moment where the mask slips, the tears come, and you realise you can’t keep pushing. I want you to know, you are not alone. Burnout doesn’t care how prepared, trained, or strong we are; it finds us all. But you don’t have to face it in silence.
The RAS reset is one way to shift your focus, to remind your brain that you are safe, supported, and capable. It’s a small step, and sometimes that’s exactly what we need.
Burnout wears many disguises, but the feeling is the same: exhausted emotions, an invisible weight pressing on your chest, a creeping sense of disconnection from the things you usually care about.
Suppose you’re tired of carrying it all by yourself. If so, you may want to understand how your mind really works and learn more tools to navigate the overwhelm with greater clarity and resilience. I am here. I would love to talk with you.
Will I reach burnout again? Maybe.
But I also know this: I will always come back out the other side. A little wiser, a little more human. And so will you.
With love and brutal honesty
Vikki
_________________________________
In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Melbourne this October and in Sydney in December 2025.
Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.
