Why Your Brain Might be Lying to You… and what to do about it?
- Vikki da Rocha
- Sep 12
- 7 min read
Dear friends,
Over the past few weeks, I've been discussing our beautiful brain's filtering system extensively.
At a recent corporate workshop, we had the privilege of coaching a leadership team on what's really happening beneath the surface of their everyday communication. While many of them had attended training sessions before, something clicked this time, because we weren't just discussing what they were doing, but why their brains were doing it in the first place.
Which, let's be honest, is rarely the angle anyone takes.
We spend so much time learning to do; send the correct email, ask the right question, tick the next box, but so little time understanding how our minds filter reality and shape those actions. It's unconscious, after all, but once they saw how their own language patterns and internal assumptions were influencing everything from how they responded to a tricky email to how they navigated conflict with colleagues, everything changed.
This is why I love teaching NLP.
When you understand how your mind really works, you're not just surviving the day you're rewriting the way you experience it. Sometimes it feels almost like your brain lying to you, and NLP helps you see through it.
Let me introduce you to a woman whose work sits at the very heart of this revolution of the mind: Virginia Satir. A pioneer of family therapy, she was the queen of uncovering the unsaid. Her approach blended deep curiosity, body language, rapport-building, and the kind of reframes that made people go, "Oh. That's what's really going on."
One of her most significant contributions? The Meta Model - a powerful set of questions designed to shine a light on the ways our brains can lead us astray through the three internal filters: deletion, distortion, and generalisation. This is one of the most practical tools for noticing when it’s your brain lying to you.
Let's bring those filters to life, shall we?
Deletion
Your brain deletes what it doesn't think is relevant. Helpful when you're driving to work on autopilot, not so helpful when your partner says, "I told you that yesterday," and you have zero recollection of the conversation.
Let's test it:
How was your weekend?
You probably answered, "Fine, not much to report."
But if I asked you, "What made you smile this weekend?" you'd likely remember something specific.
That's deletion at work. We forget the details until someone asks a better question.
Distortion
Here's where things get twisty.
We bend reality to fit what we expect to be true. If you've ever misread a text and assumed someone was feeling annoyed, but instead said person was just short on time (I hold my hands up!), you've distorted.
One of my favourite real-life examples of this happened during a client session. The client said, "I don't have any friends with kids." The loneliness in their voice was loud. But when I gently asked, "You don't have any friends with kids at all?" they paused, thought for a moment, and then smiled. "Well, there is one. But she's a single mum and super busy."
That's distortion.
We take a single truth and stretch it into an absolute.
"Would hearing from you be exactly what she needs today?" I asked.
Their face lit up. "Yeah. I think it would."
Two sentences. A whole new perspective.
Generalisation
It's what lets us say "chair" and know what we mean, whether it's an ergonomic office throne or a rickety deck chair. It saves energy, but it can also put blinders on.
Like when someone says, "Clients are always difficult," or "My boss never listens."
Really? Always? Never?
That language locks us into patterns of frustration and powerlessness. This is your brain lying to you again.
In one of our recent workshops, we gave a team the same sentence:
A client says, "Can we get an update on the proposal? I've got some questions."
Each person wrote down their interpretation, and guess what? No two answers were the same.
Some read panic. Others saw opportunity.
One person assumed they'd done something wrong.
Another was excited to share progress.
Same sentence. Different filters.
Why does this matter?
The filters your mind uses without you even realising are shaping your world. How you feel, how you respond, and ultimately what results you get and once you learn to see them, you can shift them.
It's like upgrading your brain's software.
Suddenly, you're not stuck in loops of assumption and frustration.
You're free to choose a new perspective, one that's more empowering, more accurate, and a whole lot kinder to yourself and the people around you.
I saw this play out just this week.
Our daughter came down with Whooping Cough, which turned what should have been a seven-day week into a marathon that felt like thirty. Between coaching clients, prepping for the NLP certification training I'm running in Melbourne (psst, DM me if you want the October dates), and tending to our little queen with medicine, cuddles, and a particular Lego agenda, it was a lot.
When people asked how we were doing, I noticed myself slipping into generalisations: "It's been a hard week," "Everything's felt like a juggle," and a few distortions too.
But the truth?
There were unexpected gems, including a midweek movie night with Inside Out (our favourite) and popcorn. The kind of cuddles that are half adorable, half germ warfare. There were genuinely joyful moments amidst the chaos.
And if I wasn't paying attention, I could've deleted all of those.
What we choose to focus on becomes our reality, and sometimes, all it takes is a moment, a pause, and a simple question:
"Am I deleting, distorting, or generalising right now?"
If your brain has to think about it, you probably are, and that moment, that micro-pause, is your window. Your chance to shift the belief, the language, or the emotion that's colouring your experience.
Virginia Satir once said:
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
Let's not pretend we don't all carry reasons for staying the same.
We delete possibilities.
We distort our risks.
We generalise our limitations.
You might catch yourself thinking:
"Now's not the right time."
"I wouldn't know enough to get the most out of it."
"This sort of thing works for others, not me."
"I'm just too busy to take a whole weekend."
Stop doing that.
Stop assuming you'll always be stuck.
Stop making yourself the exception.
Stop pretending your growth can wait.
Instead, ask yourself:
"What would I do if I felt completely free to choose?" – another great from Virginia Satir
If your answer is even a whisper of "I'd be there", then come along.
Join us for our Live NLP Training in Sydney.
Learn how your mind really works.
Step into the version of yourself who responds, leads, and lives with more clarity and choice, and I'll be there, cheering you on every step of the way.
With warmth and belief,
Vikki
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In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Melbourne this October and in Sydney in December 2025.
Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.
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