The surprising reason your boundaries keep slipping
- Vikki da Rocha
- Oct 14, 2025
- 5 min read
Dear reader,
Let's talk about boundaries, not as walls or ultimatums, but as something more alive, more intentional.
Recently, I've been in conversation with several clients about boundaries, and in particular, the frustration that arises when boundaries keep slipping, not so much with other people as with themselves. A consistent thread has been showing up.
Most of us say we want healthy boundaries. But often, what we're actually building is a defence, a line in the sand drawn in frustration, not clarity. We say things like I'm not working late anymore, or I'm done with people taking advantage of me, but those lines rarely hold. Not because we're weak, but because the boundary was built to block, not to serve. And that’s often the moment we realise our boundaries keep slipping.
Here's what we believe at Momentum:
A boundary should protect your energy, not punish others.
It's not about shutting people out, it's about choosing how you show up. When boundaries keep slipping, it’s often because they were built from frustration, not clarity. A healthy boundary helps you become more of who you want to be. A healthy boundary is not only good for you and those around you; it also enables you to show up grounded, energised and even more productive, no matter what you are doing.
Dr Shefali said it best: the boundary is for you. It's yours to hold. It doesn't require others to change. It's not their job to uphold it. It's yours.
How do you create boundaries that hold, without becoming hard?
We start by asking better questions:
What's the purpose of this boundary? Is it about resentment or self-respect?
Does this boundary help me be a better version of myself, for me, for others, and for the greater good? Because if it doesn't uplift you, it won't hold.
Is this boundary mine to uphold, and is it within my complete control? Or am I placing responsibility on others to change?
Let me give you an example from a recent session. A client came to me saying, I need a boundary. I don't want to work late anymore. But in reality, their role sometimes required late nights, so whenever they worked late, they felt like they had failed. That their boundaries keep slipping.
But the truth? The boundary itself was faulty.
What did we do? We redefined it because, when we dug in deep, the late nights weren't so much about work and sticking to deadlines as about the cost to their downtime, their healthy habits of exercise, and how they felt towards the end of the working week, like they were running on empty. The boundary wasn't about time; it was about how they used their time effectively, in a way that supported their needs and the company's expectations.
The redefining came when we removed the rigid rule and instead, focused on well-being. The new boundary? "I will never let working late cost me my health. That means some late nights stay. But they're measured. The check-in: Is this serving me? Will this compromise how I show up tomorrow? Is this truly necessary, or am I running on autopilot again?
That's the power of self-awareness and setting a healthy boundary that honours you, those around you, and how you show up each day.
That's the power of NLP: when you understand how your mind works, your patterns, triggers, habits and how you code experience, you begin to lead yourself differently. NLP gives you the tools to interrupt old patterns and choose better ones. It teaches you how to notice the signal before the spiral, and when you start creating boundaries from clarity, not conflict, everything changes. You stop swinging between guilt and burnout. You stop waiting for others to do better. You start leading yourself, from the inside out.
Boundary-setting is a skill every woman should learn. Through our NLP skills training workshops, we teach exactly that: how to listen deeply to your own mind, identify the unconscious patterns running your behaviour, and begin setting boundaries that support your vision, not just your frustration.
This week, I invite you to revisit your boundaries.
Are they shields? Or are they supporting?
You get to decide, and if you'd like to explore how NLP can deepen that work, I'd love to talk.
With clarity and momentum,
Vikki
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In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney in November and December 2025.
Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.
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