Building Lasting Calm in the Busyness

Over the past few weeks, we've been speaking with companies about how their teams feel and the recurring concerns that keep surfacing. What is the overarching theme?

How do we shift our mindset to cope with high-volume work and thrive? How do you find calm in the busyness?

People are collapsing under the weight of it all, unable to handle the stress and demands of work, while companies struggle to find solutions. It's one of the most significant HR risks right now. And despite AI and digital tools designed to make work 'easier,' we seem to be struggling more than ever.

So, as always, I sit and think: What's the root cause?

What's really going on in the human mind?

Why are we so stressed, so worried?

Why does everything feel like too much?

Then, I get the look of a client.

"Vikki, if you're about to tell me to clear my schedule or switch my phone off so I don't answer emails, I swear I'll kill you!"

Fair enough. I wouldn't want to hear that either. So, I keep my mouth shut (I'd rather not be on the receiving end of a sharp, high heel).

Instead, I tell her the only thing I can.

"I know you won't like this, but if I can't MAKE you clear your calendar, schedule 'me time' or switch off your phone, then the alternative is obvious. You have to shift the way you think about your workload. You need to check in with yourself and ask: What the hell do I say to myself every day? If I like my job, why do I keep falling into the trap of complaining about it?"

Our mind and body always listen to what we tell them. When we constantly remind ourselves that we're stressed, busy, and overwhelmed, our bodies react accordingly, curling up in a ball, running ragged, or even shutting down completely. (This reminds me of how Jorge always got sick on the last day of work before a holiday.)

I know some of you are nodding because it's happened to you, right?

But why?

Because we push ourselves to the bone, convinced we need to get it all done before we can rest. But was it actually necessary? Did you really get everything finished? Or, be honest, was there still a pile of work waiting for you when you returned?

We both know the answer.

Getting Personal

So now, I get personal.

If I look back... way back, to the first time that getting it all done, being busy, being needed became so important to me, I see two versions of myself:

1. My teenage self, staring straight at me: "If we don't have plans, we're not cool!" I see her panicking, worried that staying home without a mission means social failure on Monday. "If we're not busy, we're boring."

2. My younger self. A little girl eager to prove herself. "Look at me! I can get good grades. I can be great at dancing. I can do it all!" Then I hear it, the internal mantra that's been running in the background for years: "Vikki, the more we do, the more they'll notice. We have to get everything done. We have to make them proud."

And suddenly, I get it.

These versions of me, one seeking approval, one craving acceptance, have been running the show for years. And I suspect I'm not alone in this.

Now What?

I love this part of my work: looking back at my past selves and giving them the resources they needed to feel whole, seen, and capable.

Most often, they don't need productivity hacks. They just need to be noticed, told it's okay, felt understood, hugged, and have a friend.

And now?

I get to be that friend. I get to parent myself, to cheer myself on. I get to tell them:

"We don't have to prove ourselves by being busy. We don't need to earn worthiness through exhaustion. We can let this go."

And what do they say in return?

"Vikki, we've got this. We are worthy, capable, and can do it in our own way. Believe in yourself. Trust your process. You don't need to hustle for validation; you already have everything you need."

The Mental Shift

When we take a moment to actually pause, to question the frantic, overworked thoughts, we realise something:

We may have been running old programming. Our need to be busy is just an outdated belief we never challenged. And maybe, just maybe, we can still get everything done, answer the emails (whenever), go to yoga (as essential maintenance, not 'me time'), and show up fully in our work without needing a gold star from someone else.

Breaking the Mental Mania – 3 Steps to Build Lasting Calm

1. Figure It Out

Take a moment. Just a few seconds. Check in with yourself.

Ask: What the hell am I saying to myself every day?

• Is my internal conversation actually helping me shift my workload? (Spoiler alert: Nope.)

• Or am I just winding myself up, fuelling the stress, and making it feel even bigger than it is?

• And, more importantly... what emotion am I chasing every time I tell myself how 'busy' I am?

Let's be honest: If you constantly say, "I'm drowning, I'm exhausted, I can't do this," deep down, you're likely trying to gain something from it. Maybe you want to feel important, admired, or needed. Maybe 'busy' has become proof of your worth.

And here's the clincher: When was the first time I learned that being busy meant being valuable?

Go as far back as you can. Was it your teenage self, desperate to be seen? Was it your childhood self, wanting to prove they were good enough? Find the moment. See it.

2. Keep It or Drop It

Now that you know where this pattern started, you have a choice.

• Keep it. If this mindset is serving you, then own it. But let's be clear: no more moaning about it. No more "I'm so busy, poor me" talk. You made your choice, so step into it with intention and enjoy it.

• Drop it. If you're done running yourself into the ground for approval like me, then it's time to let it go.

Ask your younger self: What do you need to stop feeling like you have to prove your worth through busyness?

They may need reassurance, to be told they're enough just as they are, or just a hug.

And here's the beautiful part: You can give them that now. You get to be their friend, their cheerleader, the person who lets them off the hook.

3. Own Your Show

Now that you've seen the pattern and decided whether to keep or drop it, it's time to own your show.

Ask your younger self: If you could give me one piece of advice about how I work, think, and live, what would it be?

Listen closely. They know things. Then, choose to step into that wisdom.

You are not a puppet being dragged around by old habits and outdated beliefs. You are an incredible human being, handpicked from millions of cells to be here.

You decide how you want to feel, act, and appear in high-pressure moments. You no longer need to hustle for validation. You already have everything you need.

Oh, and one last thing: Go for a walk.

Yes, you do have time. No, the world won't fall apart. Just go. It will do the world of good.

You get to choose how you think, act, and feel. You can find worthiness, purpose, and confidence from within.

So, now that you see it and recognise where this pattern started and the impact it's had, what are you choosing?

Are you choosing to keep running on autopilot, chasing validation through exhaustion? Or are you choosing to break the cycle, rewrite the script, and reclaim your calm?

Because the truth is the choice has always been yours.

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