Powerless: From “I Wish I Had” to “I’m Glad I Did”

There is a concept we often explore in NLP called "cause and effect", and it feels important to begin here.

When we are in effect, life feels as though it is happening to us. Our thoughts often sound like "this is because of them," "I can't because of this," or "this is just how it is." There is a heaviness in this space. A sense of feeling stuck. A feeling that there is little we can do to change what is in front of us.

When we are in cause, something shifts. We begin to recognise where we do have influence. Not over everything, but over some things. Our thinking opens just enough to ask, "What can I do from here?" or "What is one small step I could take?" There is movement in this space. There is ownership. There is a choice.

This is where the emotion of Powerlessness sits within the gestalt of negative emotions; it is the last of the series.  Where the others focused on survival and social influences, this emotion is entirely our own; it's a choice we make each day, and it influences us in more ways than we think.

The last of the emotions is Powerlessness, and it lives in effect.

It is the feeling that you are stuck, that there is no way forward, that what is happening around you has more control than what is happening within you. At its most intense, it can feel like despair, helplessness, even a quiet sense of giving up. As it softens, it becomes more familiar. Self-pity, apathy, jealousy, feeling weak or incapable and at the quieter end, it shows up as procrastination, that subtle delay or quiet holding back that keeps you exactly where you are.

All of it sits within the same emotional experience. A lack of power.

But what if this emotion is not here to keep you stuck?

What if its higher purpose is self-awareness?

An awareness of self, and more specifically, an awareness of where you may have placed your power outside of yourself. When we feel powerless, something important has usually happened. We have handed our power over to other people, to circumstances, or to outcomes we believe we cannot control, and over time, this creates a story that begins to feel true. A story that says, "This is just how it is."

I often describe this to clients as a tapestry.

We are all, in our own way, a collection of threads woven together over time. Our experiences, our memories, our learnings, our pain. Some parts of that tapestry come together beautifully. They create colour, depth and meaning, and you can see the image clearly. Then there are other parts. Parts that feel too tight, parts that feel frayed, parts where the colours do not quite fit. When we find ourselves in those sections, it can feel messy, like there is no clear picture at all.

When we are in Powerlessness, we can begin to believe that this messy part of the tapestry is the whole of who we are. That this is the full story, and that this is how it will always be, and yet, it is only a part.

Just one section of something much bigger.

When we begin to see it that way, something softens. We are no longer stuck inside the thread. We step back and begin to see the whole. From there, something becomes possible. We can begin to gently unpick. Not to erase what has been, but to understand it. To notice where the stitching has become too tight, where the patterns no longer serve us, and where the image has become distorted. Then, with intention, we begin to restitch, with new awareness, new choices, and a different way of seeing ourselves.

This is where we begin to move from effect to cause.

Not in one big, overwhelming leap, but in small, deliberate moments where our thinking shifts just enough to create movement. From "I can't" to "maybe I could." From "there's no point" to "what if I tried." From "I'm stuck" to "what is one small step I can take from here?"

You can feel the difference when that shift happens. It is subtle, but it is real. The body softens, the breath changes, and what once felt closed begins to open, even if only slightly.

I heard something recently that stayed with me:

"I'm glad I did… instead of I wish I had."

This came from a conversation between Dr Rahul Jandial and Mel Robbins, and it landed in a way I wasn't expecting. He was talking about the moments when people are at the end of life, and he now embraces the lesson: to be the one who says, "I am glad I did." As I sat listening to this on the plane back from Melbourne, it got me reflecting.

I found myself thinking, I am glad I made the decision to start my own business. I am glad we spent that year caravanning as a family because it gave me moments I still carry with me. It taught me how to slow down, be present, and appreciate what was right in front of me. It even connected me to the very people I was working with in Melbourne, and in that moment, it became clear.

Every one of those experiences could easily have fit into "I wish I had." But they didn't because at some point, there was a decision to move, and that is what power really is.

Not control over everything. Not certainty. But the willingness to take a step, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when it feels unknown.

If you find yourself in that space of feeling stuck, if Powerlessness has been quietly sitting in your world, pause for a moment. Notice the story you are telling yourself. Notice where you may have placed your power outside of yourself and gently bring it back.

Check in with your thinking, are you at cause or sitting in effect? And then ask yourself one simple question.

What do I want to be glad I did?

Not someday, but now, because your life is built on the moments you choose to move (not the ones you wish you had) and one day, sooner than you think, you will look back and realise…

You did.

Your friend,

Vikki

In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques.

If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026. We'd love to see you at one of these NLP training sessions.

Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.

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