The Secret to Happiness Isn’t What You Think

Dear You,

What do we really mean when we say we want to be happy?

Is it a feeling? A destination? A reward for getting life “right”? We chase it in our work, our homes, our endless to-do lists, as though it’s something out there, waiting to be found.

But maybe what we’re really searching for isn’t happiness at all.

Maybe it’s connection.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about family. Mine, in particular, those who live overseas. The older my dad gets, the more I feel that quiet ache of distance. Not just the practical stuff like time zones and missed birthdays, but the emotional weight of being far away. Of not being able to just show up, pop in, or share life as it’s unfolding. Moments like these remind me that the secret to happiness is often found not in doing more, but in staying connected to the people who matter most.

A dear friend was speaking to me recently about their parent being unwell, and it stirred something deep, that particular kind of worry you carry when you’re far from the people you love most. It’s confronting because it’s often the big things like illness, loss and life changes, that bring into focus what really matters.

We always say, don’t we, that funerals and weddings bring people together.

But what if we didn’t wait for the big things? What if connection became our everyday priority?

There’s a study that’s been running since 1938, the longest ever done on human happiness. It began with a group of Harvard students, and grew to include hundreds of families and now even their children and the core question was simple: what makes a good life? They tracked their lives, their health, their relationships and over the decades, researchers discovered something surprising. It wasn’t money, success, or even physical health that predicted who would live the longest, happiest lives.

It was connection.

The people who were most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest and happiest at 80. Not the ones with the best jobs or the most picture-perfect families. Just the ones who felt safe, supported and felt able to rely on someone when things got hard.

I felt the truth of that recently.

After far too long, I decided to reach out to my dad. Nothing big just a quick message to see if he was free for a chat, and he was. The minute I saw him online, my whole body softened. We talked about his caravanning adventures, his health, our business, how our daughter is growing, and all the little stories that mean everything when shared with family. At the end, I said what we both were thinking: “Let’s not leave it so long next time.”

We both admitted we’d been holding off. Not because we didn’t want to connect, but because we were worrying. Would the timing be right? Would the other person be busy? Would time zones mess it up?

But here’s what we realised, if we keep waiting for the perfect moment to connect, we never will, because the perfect time? It doesn’t exist and isn’t that the truth of modern life?

We don’t live like we used to in villages, surrounded by family and neighbours, conversations happening as life unfolds. We don’t have those every day, silly little chats that naturally knit us together. Now, with distance and busyness, we wait. We schedule. We assume it’s not the right time and maybe that’s the real problem.

Because connection doesn’t need perfect conditions.

It just needs intention.

From an NLP perspective, we know that meaning isn’t fixed, it’s shaped by how we represent things in our minds. If we’ve coded connection as effort, overwhelming, or reserved for special occasions, then of course we hold back and wait for the ‘perfect’ moment, but what if we started to recode it as nourishing, grounding, and necessary? What if we remembered that a five-minute chat, a quick message, or even a voice note is enough to shift how we feel?

As we move into the season that’s meant to be about togetherness family, friends, light and warmth, maybe this is the reminder we all need:

We don’t have to wait for a crisis to reach out.

We don’t have to wait for the stars to align.

We just have to start.

Connection isn’t always convenient, but it is always worth it. But it is the secret to a good life.

This is your gentle nudge, to send the text, make the call, walk next door. To be the one who reaches out, even if the timing isn’t perfect. To remind the people in your world that they matter and to remind yourself that you do too.

Because happiness?

It was never a destination.

It’s found in the small, ordinary moments we choose to share.

In the relationships we tend to.

In the people we feel safe with.

The secret to happiness isn’t what you think.

It’s not more. It’s not perfect.

It’s connection.

With love,

Vikki x

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In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026. We'd love to see you at one of these NLP training sessions.

Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.

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