Man down: Are men being left behind as women elevate?

Spend any time in a leadership program, personal development workshop, or even a local book club on self-growth, and one pattern quickly emerges: the room is often filled with women. Curious, engaged, and eager to learn, they are embracing growth with remarkable energy. Men, by contrast, are frequently underrepresented or arrive through encouragement from their partners, friends, or colleagues.

It raises a confronting question: as emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and relational skills become the defining traits of modern leadership, are men at risk of being left behind?

The changing skillset of success

For generations, technical skill and professional expertise defined value in the workplace. But automation, AI, and flatter hierarchies are shifting the equation. The skills that cannot be replicated by machines, such as empathy, adaptability, curiosity, and self-regulation, are now the ones that drive competitive advantage. And as these traits rise in importance, men are being left behind if they don’t actively develop these emotional and relational skills.

These are precisely the capabilities that women, on average, are already investing in. A 2023 Forbes report found women consistently outscore men across all leadership effectiveness measures, particularly in relationship-building, authenticity, and systems awareness. These traits are closely linked to emotional intelligence and personal growth.

This is not about stereotypes or suggesting women are “naturally” more emotionally attuned. It is about openness. Research shows that women are more likely to engage in personal reflection, seek feedback, and participate in development programs that focus on inner growth. Men, meanwhile, tend to gravitate towards technical mastery, skills that feel tangible, measurable, and safe.

It is not that men lack the capacity for emotional intelligence or reflection. The current language and framing of development often do not appeal to how many men have been taught to engage with learning.

Men’s engagement in mental health initiatives, coaching, and personal growth programs remains disproportionately low. Beyond Blue data shows that Australian men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, yet far less likely to seek help. In the workplace, men participate less frequently in leadership development that emphasises self-awareness, vulnerability, and communication skills, often perceiving these areas as “soft” or uncomfortable.

This gap is not just personal. It is organisational. As businesses increasingly reward empathy-driven leadership, the cost of disengagement continues to rise. Teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders demonstrate higher engagement, lower turnover, and better performance. Suppose men opt out of developing these human skills. In that case, they risk being overlooked for the kind of leadership roles that will define the next decade.

It may not be a lack of willingness, but rather a lack of invitation. Personal development has long been marketed in emotional language, such as “growth,” “reflection,” and “authenticity,” which does not always resonate with men who have been socialised to equate competence with control.

What if the invitation looked different? What if development for men was framed less as “working on yourself” and more as “building clarity under pressure”, “improving decision-making”, or “communicating effectively when it matters most”? The end result is the same: greater emotional intelligence and self-awareness, but the pathway feels more accessible.

I have seen this firsthand. Many men I have worked with were introduced to coaching or self-development through their partners. Once they experienced its impact, such as better relationships, calmer reactions, and sharper focus, they became its strongest advocates. The challenge is getting them through the door.

As technology continues to take over the mechanical and the measurable, what remains deeply human will rise in value. Emotional regulation, empathy, and connection are not optional add-ons; they are essential components of effective leadership. The future belongs to the emotionally intelligent.

The real question is not whether men are being left behind, but how we can reframe the journey so they want to come along. How can we create environments, both at home and at work, and within our culture, where growth feels like strength rather than vulnerability?

Because if the future of leadership belongs to those who can combine intellect with empathy, then men who resist self-development are not just missing an opportunity for personal fulfilment. They may be missing the future itself.

Thanks for reading,

Jorge

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In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney in November and December 2025.

Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.

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