Purpose & Happiness - What I noticed when I looked up.
- 10 minutes ago
- 7 min read
Throughout this week, I've been in Brisbane city, commuting each day as a forever student of my craft.
While on the train, I found myself watching the people around me. Most were sitting looking at their phones, absorbed in whatever work, memes or messages they wanted to take in. Some sat smiling, laughing at a show they were catching up on, but many sat with blank faces, just looking down, the physiology of sadness…. Something to think about…
On a packed train, I only found three people looking up.
One was standing, holding on for dear life (I so admire women in heels from the start!). A man gazing out the window with earphones in (I wonder what he is listening to?), and then there was me, smiling and soaking it all in, feeling grateful for this moment of presence. Watching the people around me, listening to the train's hum, and feeling connected.
Dr Keltner is a distinguished professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the founding director of the Greater Good Science Centre, one of the most renowned research institutes in the world studying well-being.
His work explores the power of awe and how being present enough to notice what is around us can contribute to our sense of meaning, purpose and well-being.
And as I sat on that train, I realised just how much I needed that reminder.
When my mind was anywhere but now
My wonderful husband, who has been by my side for 23 years, just gets me, probably even more than I get myself.
You see, the morning of that train ride, while getting ready at 5.30am, I was starting to spiral. I was thinking about the future. All the changes I wanted to make, what we had to get done the next week, the next month, the next year. I even thought about Christmas plans (too far, Vikki, too far).
As I walked up to him with my arms open, saying, "I just need to get a hug and say something that I am feeling," he opened his arms, held me and then gently said, "What is it?"
Oh boy, did the words come falling out of my mouth.
He smiled, listened and gently reminded me of something…
The NOW.
The big goal was making me overlook the small wins
We often focus so much on either the future or the past. The past of what was and the future of what if…
When we focus too much on the future, we can become overwhelmed and anxious. Now, I love the big picture. I love being able to see what we want to achieve and where we are heading, but what I was forgetting was all the amazing steps we are already taking towards that big goal.
I was thinking: I want this goal (big, shining at the end), and then immediately thinking, how do I get it?
But if we don't consider all the steps along the way to be achievements in themselves, we can land up feeling stuck, frustrated and like there is no progress at all.
It makes sense why purpose and happiness can go missing when I am totally deleting all the mini achievements we make along the way to the big goal.
So instead, he asked me to consider a reframe.
Instead of:
"How do I get to this big goal that I want?"
Try:
"I want to do this step, achieve this step, and then this step to achieve my big goal."
That little shift, telling my brain that every little step is an achievement, filled me with purpose.
Why?
Because I came back to the now.
What is happening now that will help me get closer?
What am I achieving now?
What can I notice now?
When we come back to what we can control in the now, we can see the purpose in what we are doing, notice the impact of our current actions and sit in awe of each little moment being achieved.
So, how do we come back to NOW?
When I feel my head going off into the future, wondering about all the what ifs, these are the simple steps I use to bring myself back.
Step 1: Get it out of your head
If you have a human by your side, a friend or partner, simply say to them:
"I am thinking something. Can I just get it out of my head?"
And tell them.
Or write it down…
Why do this?
Because getting it out means you are no longer constipated with your own thinking!!!
Once it's out, ask yourself:
Is this past, future or now talk?
Our language gives us clues as to where our focus has gone.
PAST: Often carries feelings of sadness, loss or grief, with language like: "I remember…", "I used to…", "When I was…"
FUTURE: Can bring overwhelm, anxiety or fear, with language like: "When I get…", "When I make…", "What I want…", "I hope for…", "I wish…"
And then there is NOW.
Step 2: Physically bring yourself back to NOW
Take a beautiful big breath in.
Fill up those lungs.
And as you blow it out of your mouth, say the word:
NOW!
Give your mind and body a moment to arrive back where you actually are.
Step 3: Find your next little step.
If something needs action, remember you don't have to solve everything at once. Focus on what you can do now to move forward, which can make you feel more hopeful and in control.
Simply ask yourself:
"What can I do now to help me get towards that?"
"What's my next little step now?"
Not next month.
Not Christmas.
Not every step between here and that big, shiny goal.
Just the next little step.
The awe of what is already here
I think this is what Dr Keltner's work on awe invites us to consider. In order to experience awe, one of those incredible emotions that can bring us a greater sense of meaning and purpose, we first have to be present enough to notice what is already here.
To come back to our now.
To the awe of what is right in front of us in this moment.
When we come back to now, we start to appreciate and notice what we have achieved. We see clearly what's in front of us right now. We hear the world that surrounds us. We feel connected back to ourselves, grounded in what we have, and in that space we can lead ourselves and others with calm, presence and gratitude.
And back to the train…
So here I am, on the train to my next big day of learning.
But this time, instead of thinking about the whole day, wondering how I can implement this learning with clients and students, or disappearing into all my future plans, I simply sit.
Watching the people around me.
Smiling at those who look up.
Listening to the hum of the train.
And being in the awe of now.
Of what I am doing in this very moment.
Sitting on a train, which, by the way, in Brisbane costs 50 cents to get into the city!!! I have already won!
Enjoying all the humans around me and appreciating the moment I have right now. Another win.
My deepest love and appreciation goes to my husband for this week's letter.
For seeing me.
For being able to be with me when I share how I am feeling.
And for knowing how to gently bring me back to my now.
Because we are all beautiful works in progress, and perhaps we don't always need to be looking towards what comes next.
Sometimes, there is purpose and happiness to be found in noticing just how much is already happening now.
Now off you go and enjoy your now!!!
Best,
Vikki
In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026. We'd love to see you at one of these NLP training sessions.
Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.
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