Quieting the Noise – When Comparison Is the Chaos
- Vikki da Rocha
- May 19
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 3
It’s been an interesting topic creeping up this week: the internal comparison dialogue that causes chaos in our minds.
I’m talking about the noise we create within ourselves and among each other. There’s unspoken pressure in WhatsApp chats, side glances at school gates, subtle competition online, and constant social media scrolling. We often compare ourselves to our work colleagues as well. What are we all doing this for? Are we part of the problem, creating the drama and the mental "comparison chaos" in our heads?
Jorge always says something that hits me square in the chest:
Comparison kills...
Kindness
Creativity
Motivation
Connection
And it’s true. We all know it. So why do we keep doing it? Why do we get so easily sucked into comparison and doubt?
Understanding the Need for Certainty
When I stop and think about this, I wonder if this behavior stems from our fundamental need for certainty. We often have a deep desire for security, wanting to feel part of the pack and belong to our village. Recently, someone asked me: What are you missing by chasing connection? I realized it’s not just connection I crave but confirmation of belonging.
The Importance of Belonging
Belonging is crucial because it provides us with security, safety, and unity. These emotions are tangible and fulfilling. When we don’t feel a sense of belonging, we tend to create internal narratives that lead to feelings of overwhelm, worry, and stress, pushing us toward isolation.
Recognizing the Signs of Comparison
When you're in the middle of this mental chaos, it can be hard to break free. It helps to have someone to talk to or a place to write things down. It's essential to let it out. I've learned to recognize these feelings in my body—often starting in my stomach or my head. It feels like a whirlpool, with racing thoughts and endless scenarios playing out in my mind. That’s when comparison creeps in.
Here’s something I’ve noticed: we often react not only to the world but to ourselves. We project our feelings onto others. When I talk it out (poor Jorge!), he often provides a completely different perspective, especially if he was present at the event in question. This reminds me of a powerful concept in NLP: Perception is Projection.
The Mirror of Perception
What we see and judge in others often mirrors our internal struggles. A woman who feels "too much" may trigger our fear of being seen. Likewise, someone who appears completely relaxed might reflect our need to control every situation.
Remember, we can never truly know what someone else is experiencing. We only have our perception of the situation, the limited facts we've gathered (like an Instagram photo), and our own judgments of how we feel in relation to others.
Navigating the Comparison Chaos
When the comparison chaos starts to rise, consider these prompts:
What am I feeling inside that makes me compare?
What could this comparison reveal about my own values or fears?
How do I wish to feel instead, knowing this is my own projection?
Recently, I heard a beautiful comment from Mel Robbins during an interview. She was speaking with a pregnant woman, and she said:
“We’re all trying so hard to get it right, to be great mums or dads, to be an inspiration. But what if we just trusted? Trusted that our children chose us to be their parents?”
That line stopped me in my tracks.
Shifting Our Perspective
If our babies chose us, what might shift in our mindset? Could we trade perfectionism for pride and presence? Perhaps we could stop comparing and understand that we are all part of the same village. We are all doing our best to be the best versions of ourselves. We are chosen on this journey of parenthood and life.
Instead of performing, striving, and second-guessing, we could admire each other more. It's essential to stop projecting our fears because we don't need them. It's also critical to stop assuming everyone else has it all figured out. Behind curated photos and confident smiles is someone who is also just trying to navigate life.
Letting Go of the Noise
The voice that tells us we are not enough or that others are doing it better? That voice is just noise. It isn’t true. It's merely perception, and we do not have to listen to it. We are chosen, we belong, and we are meant to be in this beautiful thing called life, just as we are.
So let’s create a supportive community where we encourage each other to be authentic. Let’s celebrate our imperfections and togetherness. We are all in this together.
Love,
Me
