Quieting the Noise – When Comparison Is the Chaos

It’s been an interesting topic creeping up this week, it’s the internal comparison dialogue that causes chaos in our minds.

I’m talking about the noise we create with each other. The unspoken pressure in the WhatsApp chats, the side glances at the school gates, the subtle competition online, the social media scrolling, and the comparison with our work colleagues. What are we all doing this for? I wonder if we’re part of the problem and if we are the ones creating the drama and the mental "comparison chaos" in our heads?

Jorge always says something that hits me square in the chest:

Comparison kills...

• Kindness

• Creativity

• Motivation

• Connection

And it’s true. We all know it. So why do we keep doing it? Why do we all get so easily sucked into comparison and doubt?

When I stop and think about this, and how the brain fundamentally works, I wonder if this is what our need for certainty looks like. That deep desire for security in knowing we’re part of the pack, that we belong in the village. I was asked this question recently: What are you missing by chasing connection? And I realised it’s not necessarily a connection that I’m searching for, but more the confirmation that I belong to something.

So why is belonging so important? Because it gives us security, safety, and unity, all very tangible and fulfilling emotions. And when they’re not being met, we tend to create internal narratives that lead to overwhelm, worry, stress, and isolation.

Now, when you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to break out unless you have someone to talk it out with or somewhere to write it down. (That’s the point: you have to let it out.) I’ve come to recognise it in my body first, usually in my stomach or my head. It’s a whirling feeling, and I notice I have several thoughts racing through my mind, playing out scenario after scenario… and that’s when comparison creeps in.

Here’s what I’ve noticed: we’re not just reacting to the world around us. We’re often reacting to ourselves, projected onto others. Because when I do talk it out (poor Jorge!), he often has a completely different take on the situation, especially if he was there. And in that moment, I’m reminded of a powerful concept in NLP: Perception is Projection.

It means what we see (and judge) in others is often a mirror of what we’re struggling with internally. The woman who feels “too much” might be triggering a fear of being seen. The person who seems so chilled might be reflecting our need to control everything.

Because we can never truly know what someone else is experiencing in their life, or what they might be going through. All we have is our own perception of the situation, the limited facts we’ve gathered (maybe an Instagram photo), and our own judgment about how we feel in comparison.

So here are a few prompts to help when the comparison chaos starts to rise:

• What am I feeling inside which is making me compare?

• What might this comparison be trying to show me about my own values or fears?

• How do I want to feel instead, knowing this is my own projection?

I heard a beautiful comment from Mel Robbins the other day. She was interviewing a pregnant woman who works with her, and Mel said:

“We’re all trying so hard to get it right, to be a great mum or dad, to be an inspiration. But what if we just trusted? Trusted that our children chose us to be their parents?”

That line stopped me in my tracks.

If our babies chose us, what would shift? Could we trade in the pressure and perfectionism for pride and presence? Could we stop comparing and realise we’re all part of the same village? That we’re all just trying to be the best possible version of ourselves? Chosen in this path in parenthood and life?

Instead of performing, striving, and second-guessing… maybe we could admire each other more. Stop projecting our own fears, because we don’t need them. And maybe stop assuming everyone else has it figured out. Behind the curated photos and confident smiles is someone who’s also just trying to figure it all out.

And that voice, the one telling us we’re not enough, or they are doing it better?

That voice is noise. It isn’t true. Just perception.

And we don’t have to listen. Because we are chosen, we belong, and we are meant to be in this wonderful thing called life, just as we are.

Love,

Me

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