Identity: Is it your life that needs to change… or the way you show up?
- 9 hours ago
- 5 min read
There’s a version of you that you thought you’d become.
Maybe, for a while, you were chasing her. The career, the lifestyle, the roles that made sense at the time. And somewhere along the way, you became someone capable, responsible, and needed.
If you’re honest, there are moments now where you pause and quietly wonder… is this actually me? Not from a place of regret, but from a place of awareness.
Identity, the way it’s often spoken about, feels too small. We’ve been taught to tie it to roles, to what we do, to who we are to other people, to the labels that make us easier to understand. But that version of identity is rigid, and life was never designed to be lived that way.
The truth is that your identity isn’t in what you do or what you have. It’s in how you show up. It’s in the energy you bring into a room, the way you respond when things don’t go to plan, the tone you speak to yourself in when no one else is listening.
Identity is not a fixed definition. It’s a daily expression.
This is where so many of us feel lost, because without even realising it, we’ve been living on autopilot. Moving through days that are full but not always intentional, meeting expectations but not always meeting ourselves.
Autopilot is subtle. It doesn’t feel like something is wrong. It just slowly disconnects you from choice, and when that happens, identity starts to feel like something you’ve lost, when really, it’s something you’ve stopped actively creating.
It’s been three months now since we moved to Queensland, and one of the questions I get asked is, “How is QLD going?” A gentle check-in, often followed by, “Is it everything you hoped for?” and I’ve noticed myself pausing before I answer.
The truth is, I’ve been travelling each month since we arrived. I haven’t fully settled long enough to form a complete opinion of the place itself, but what I have become acutely aware of is this… the place doesn’t make me who I am.
In that split second, when I’m asked the question, I find myself answering something different.
I ask myself, who have I been in QLD? And my answer is this. I am learning each day, finding my way through new streets and new places. I am meeting new people and discovering how life works here. I am allowing myself to be in discovery mode, open to what’s around me, rather than needing it to be something specific.
I can feel it. Identity, not as something fixed, but as something I am actively living.
I was listening to a conversation on The Mel Robbins Podcast, and it caught me off guard. I expected to hear about style, about trends, about external transformation.
Instead, Erin Walsh shared something far deeper.
She spoke about what she asks her clients to say each morning, before they even open their wardrobes. Not what do I have to wear, not what should I wear, not that familiar thought of I have nothing to wear. She invites them into a different question entirely.
How do I want to feel?
When you really let that land, you realise this was never about clothes. It was about identity, because that question shifts you from reaction to creation. It asks you to decide, before the world does it for you, who you are going to be that day.
There’s a quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
This quote isn’t just inspirational; it’s instructional because the change you want to see externally requires you to embody it internally first. Not occasionally, not when it’s convenient, but in the quiet, consistent way you choose to show up each day.
In your energy. In your presence. In the way you hold yourself and others.
This is where identity becomes something lived, because when you practise being the person you want to be, when you show up with intention again and again, you don’t just change yourself. You begin to notice something else shift.
Your conversations change. Your standards change. The way the world responds to you begins to change. Not because the world suddenly became different, but because you did.
I think that’s the real answer to the question I keep being asked.
It’s not about whether it’s everything I hoped for. It’s about who I am choosing to be while I’m here because the place was never going to define me, but the way I show up within it… always will.
So maybe the question isn’t "Who am I supposed to be?"
Maybe it’s, how do I want to feel today?
And who do I become… when I choose to live that, wherever I am.
Your friend,
Vikki
In this blog, I've shared just a glimpse of a few NLP concepts and techniques. If this sparks your curiosity and you'd like to explore more, or even consider becoming an NLP Practitioner yourself, we'd be delighted to welcome you to our in-person NLP certification training. Our next sessions are scheduled to run in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane in 2026. We'd love to see you at one of these NLP training sessions.
Click here to learn more about our NLP Certification Training and secure your place.
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